


2 years on.

by DorkyAwesome



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-07 00:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1113439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DorkyAwesome/pseuds/DorkyAwesome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A day in john's life before sherlock comes back.....He's leaving work and converses with Mary and this happens. </p>
<p>first fic attempt. you have been warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	2 years on.

**Author's Note:**

> FIRST FIC.....sorry for any issues. (aka not edited or brit-picked)
> 
>  
> 
> also did this after seeing the mini episode and have a bad day so felt in the right mind frame to attempt this.
> 
> I'm a 'talker' writer, meaning there is a lot of information spewed out when people talk at times. sorry but it's my style and in sherlock (most versions anyway), there is a lot of talking going on. 
> 
> John/Mary and John/Sherlock with references to Mary/Martin Taylor (Mary's first husband).

 

"Have a good night John."

"You as well Daniel, I hope your son enjoys the magnifying glass, just don't let him kill ants with it."John smirking a touch just as he walks past his colleague Daniel Parker's office, briskly trying to get out of the workplace before something keeps him here any longer on this day. He walks down the hall and passes the reception desk and sees Mary's purse is still there.

"Mary, are you still about?" John asks quietly, as if he spoke too loud, a horde of patients would appear out of no where.

"Obviously, Hun." Mary comes out of the closet room, putting on her jacket and coming up to give him a kiss. "A women doesn't leave her purse anywhere, unless at home." she smirks at him as she looks at his face and takes a step back.

"How are you doing today, Hun? you look a bit-", she pauses as she straightens his coat as he smiles at her, unable to really get over that he is with this woman who seems to understand what he needs before he even realizes it himself.  _'just like Sherlock'_  his internal voice says before he can stop it. " **well, she's here and he's not. No matter how much I cared for him** " he lobbed back, knowing that he can't discuss his internal conversations with Mary, much less his newest therapist. ' _care, you still do care for_ _Sherlock_ " it replied just a bit too smug. 

"John?!" 

John looks up and realizes he has zoned out on Mary talking to him.

"Sorry Love, just a bit out of sorts, what were you saying?"

"I was asking you if you were ever able to get anymore sleep last night, or if you think its the medication that makes you so groggy lately?" she asks as they leave the office and start their walk home.

"No I didn't get anymore sleep, just like usual" John shrugs as he puts his arms around his waist for a moment and have her look at him. "I know that my insomnia and my need of anxiety and depression medication makes you question how I'm feeling in general and towards you, but I asked you to marry me because you are the only person I can see myself living with and loving for the rest of my life." she smiles and kisses his cheek for a second and then leans back and breaks him.

"Other then Sherlock, John" looks up at him as his face drains of color. He opens his mouth and just as quietly she puts her finger over it to keep him quiet. 

"It's okay love, I've known since our second date that he was very important to you and knew before we moved in together that if he was still around you wouldn't need the medications so much, since his death is one of the things you need them for.  I Love you for being a strong good man, who keeps fighting the good fight and loves me more then I thought possible."

John stares at her and wonders if she was just made to be with him, after all, who has a fiance that is okay that you love your best friend more?

" Thank you for not being threatened by the friendship I had with Sherlock." John mumbled as they started walking again.

"Its sweet, John." she picks up the pace a bit and they walk for several minutes until they get to their apartment.

"one question though" she declares as john unlocks their door,"Did you tell him?"

John's stance falls back into military mode as he gets settled and sits on their couch. "No, I didn't. I know that is part of the reason i have such a hard time getting over his death" he looks down at his hands as he berates himself for admitting this to Mary and for having these feelings in the first place.

"I hope he knew, but sometimes we seemed to understand each other so well and other times we were on seperate pages." he shakes his head, trying to get his thoughts all in a row while his inner voice shouts things randomly at him

' _you still love him, and you will until your dying day. don't deny it_ '

' _you blame yourself for not being enough, for not seeing it, for failing as a doctor, and a friend_ ''

' _you don't deserve the happiness you have with Mary_ '

John took a few ragged breaths as Mary sat down next to him, tea suddenly in front of them on the coffee table.

"You know he at least noticed. He was Sherlock Holmes and from all that I've heard from you, Lestrade and Molly, I know he was at least okay with it. You do realize even though he's gone and did something in a selfish way, that you can't control someone if they really want to kill them-self, right?"

"well, yes but-"

"No Buts John, If you can realize that, how can you not get the fact that just because he is gone doesn't mean you could of stopped him if that's what he wanted to do, no matter how much you loved him and no matter what he had or didn't have going for him." she finishes as john hugs her for a moment and lets the contact relax them both.

"God, Mary if I had any doubt about being with you, I can say they are gone. thank you." John looks at her as he brushes a curl of her hair out of her eyes, feeling drained for sharing, but also lighter and free at the same time.

"Not a problem, plus you know about Martin and I, so who cares if both of our former loves happened to be blokes?" She smiles and John chuckles at her cheekiness. 

"Well, I was never with Sherlock, you at least were with Martin for 8 years." John says as he remembers finding out about Mary's first husband, Martin Taylor from Oldham who died in a car crash 6 years into their marriage. John put his hand on her thigh as he understood she was alluding to the fact that she had a hard time after Martin's death.

"True, but we have both grieved for people close to us and I think that makes us understand each other better." she moves her hand over his as she adds," I'm happy we finally talked about this though, since as strong and good as you are John, you rarely let things out."

"I'm aware of that Mary, I just don't know how to be, first my da being strict and then I was in the military, you don't really have time to share your feelings when you have a soldier to operate on at 3 in the morning. I conceed however, that after my military service was over and Sherlock came into my life to wake me up and then leave it just as suddenly, I am trying to share before it implodes inside me and I don't come back from the things I'm feeling. You just got to know that this is rather hard for me, even with you seemingly okay with my feelings for Sherlock. I feel guilty for not being better for you." John voice breaks as he tries to keep from getting to emotional, even though hes already starting to tear up.

"John, your issue is you care and love and have not had a easy go in this life and I would be a moron to leave you just because you have had 2 years to deal with this, while I've had over a decade without Martin. There is nothing you can do but feel what you do, and as much as I'll always love Martin, I love you as well John, in a different way. Just as strong, but in a way that I can only love you."

"I get what you are saying love, and I agree that you are right, as always" John mumbles as Mary lights up and answers him. 

"Just remember that and all will be well, John"

John can't help but laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> Tips would be nice, aside from "just be better at this already"....
> 
> I'm thinking at least another chapter unless its settled enough as is.
> 
>  
> 
> Have a great day and thanks for reading!


End file.
